The Meaning of Life*

Today is my 42nd birthday – according to the fabulous Mr Douglas Adams – the meaning of life, but what exactly is the question?

A couple of days ago I stayed up quite late writing a blog about how I felt about birthdays after the following conversation with my 18 year old step-daughter:

Her: What are we doing for your birthday?

Me: (non-plussed) eeerrr nothing why?

Her: but it’s your birthday…

Me: I know but it’s just another day for me.

her: Birthdays at your age are soooooo boring!

Well the blog I wrote was obviously brilliant and inciteful, but probably because it was late at night, or because I’m a bit of a dunce, it didn’t save properly and all my words are lost somewhere in Skynet never to be seen again, except maybe at some point in the future as a template for the machines’ constitutional control over human birthdays!  

I thought that I might be able to summarise the key points so here we go:

1. Oh my god! Teenagers look at me and can’t imagine being as old as me! I  can’t imagine being as old as me – I am not as old as me.

2. I don’t really do birthdays – well mine anyway – to me they are very similar to New Year’s Eve, hyped up, full of promise only to be ultimately disappointing. I don’t do Valentine’s day either or Mother’s day! call me grumpy if you will!

3. The last birthday I justifiably looked foward to was my 18th – a big black tie party, with all my friends and boys (I went to a girl’s school) and a free bar plus all the anticipation of the freedoms of being a legal adult – even though on that score nothing actually changed from one day to the next.

4. My overiding memory of my 21st birthday was being HOT and not in a good way, as I was working in my Uncle’s restaurant in Spain.

5. My 30th – I had said through my 20′s that if I hadn’t had a wedding by the time I was 30 I would have a big party then – because what else are weddings good for? I booked the village hall, persuaded some friends who were messing around with a band to play, booked a bar and a dressing up theme “Heroes & Villains”. It was OK. I dressed up as Scarlett from “Gone with the Wind”, about half a dozen other people dressed up too. The band called themselves “Melanie’s Party” that was cool.

6. Throughout my 30′s I struggled to remember how old I was from one year to the next, it was an eventful decade though, with much more pertinant anniversaries than the day I decided to leave the comfort of my mother’s womb.

I met the man who was to become my husband
We had a baby girl together
I married the man (now that was a good party!)
We moved to Crewe
I resigned from my job of 11 years and became a full time Mum
We had a baby boy together

Significant, joyous things.

7. My 40th approached, my husband – much more of a party animal than me – by my side we decided to go for it. This was going to be THE birthday, a party to end all parties (black tie in a local hotel – a deliberate nod to my 18th), a trip to Iceland planned so that I could see the Northern Lights. Then about 3 weeks away from the day, our world crashed around us when our daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumour and was rushed to Alder Hey Children’s hospital in an ambulence with me for emergency surgery the Friday before the late summer bank holiday in 2009. I spent my 40th birthday at her bedside. My best present that year, and possibly ever, was a print out of that day’s brain scan, showing that the post-surgical, inter-cranial pressure issue that had been worrying us and the surgeons for about a week had resolved itself without any further surgical or medical intervention, a perfect brain scan for the most memorable birthday ever.

8. I am not comfortable in the limelight, I get the same sense of unease at being “on show” on my birthday as I do posing for photographs. It’s not where I want or need to be.

9. Now I like gifts, I like it when people have taken time and effort, thinking about me, I like the anticipation when unwrapping them, however I am increasingly disturbed by the consumerism and resource use they represent and the clutter they may constitute (sorry, but I’m the one that does most of the cleaning round here). I don’t like people feeling that they MUST buy me a present, especially if money is in short supply. I have had some lovely gifts today and a nice cheque from my Dad  but my favourite moment so far was hearing the two small children come up the stairs secretly but not so quietly to stop outside my bedroom door, where the eldest, quite loudly told the youngest to be quiet, and then opened the door shouting “Happy Birthday” and delivering said presents and cards and some cuddles to boot – that will do. I don’t need things or cards, to know on this day more than any other day that I am loved and important.

10. Finally a big up in lights THANK YOU to everyone who has contacted me today in whatever form and sent me your Best Wishes – I love you and I am happy that  you love me too.